Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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