I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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