My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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