i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Will exercising make me less horny?
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