Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
