Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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