Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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