His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
