Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
