You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
