His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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