I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
