thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
