Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
