I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
