ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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