The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
