maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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