last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
