I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
