Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
