I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
