listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize