dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
