I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
