Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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