I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
