dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
