Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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