I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
