But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
