my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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