WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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