I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
