This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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