Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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