he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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