I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize