Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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