I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
