we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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