Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I could fuck to npr.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
