he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Someone came in the potted fern
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
