god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize