i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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