My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
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i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
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I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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