The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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