butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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