Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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