i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
