He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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