I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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