a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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