Kiss
Puke
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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