I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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