Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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