how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize