Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You were trust falling into bushes
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
