so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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