sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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