there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
