the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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