1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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