Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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