i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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