hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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