I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
