Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
