I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
