T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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