worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
